Wahlburger Store
Adapted from “Hardware Store” (Yankovic)


[sound effects from commercial kitchenware]

Who would ever (ever) get the bright idea
To make the T-Dot (dot) the next step in their career
Of celeb cuisine from the town of the bean?
Well, I heard it on the news

They said, “(Hey,) you know that show on A&E
With Paul and Mark and Donnie? Well, prepare yourself to squee
They’re comin’ to Toronto, gonna open up a shop
Where we can go buy melts and brews”

Since then I’ve been watching ev’ry ep (ep)
All my days were full of never-ending prep
Gonna be a witness to the culminating step
They announced September last

Now it’s here; the day of days has come
I’m a-hangin’ (hangin’) out with all my furry chums
No, it’s not enough to try out all the nums
I wanna meet and greet the cast

(I) I can’t wait, (no I) I can’t wait (oh when)
When are they gonna open up that door?

I’m goin’ (yes I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ to the
Goin’ to the (Wahl) berg I’m goin’, really goin’ to the
Goin’ (Wahl) I’m goin’ to the (Wahl) oh yes, I’m goin’ to the
Wahlburger store

So I curled up in Matilda overnight
In the back of the lot, the seventh space from the right
And then I pressed my nose and paws against the windows
Just to see Der Puppy and dine

Gonna get me Thanksgiving on a bun
Even if the calendar says May twenty-one, it’s okay
See that stuffing? Very, very soon
Some of that will be all mine

Gastronomes and even oenophiles
Queues of hungry customers who come from miles and miles
See the wraps and burgers in a plethora of styles
Plated most appetizingly

And they’ve got a special offer today
At the bottom of the menu; what does it say?
Clean your plate in twenty-seven minutes or less
And get a root beer float for free

(I) I can’t wait, (no I) I can’t wait (oh when)
When are they gonna seat that party of four?

I’m goin’ (yes I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ to the
Goin’ to the (Wahl) berg I’m goin’, really goin’ to the
Goin’ (Wahl) I’m goin’ to the (Wahl) oh yes, I’m goin’ to the
Wahlburger store

I’m goin’ (yes I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ to the
Goin’ to the (Wahl) berg I’m goin’, really goin’ to the
Goin’ (Wahl) I’m goin’ to the (Wahl) oh yes, I’m goin’ to the
Wahlburger store

Would you look at all that grub

They’ve got

Barbecu-ed bacon burgies in your choice of beef or turkey
Tater tots, sriracha sauce, and Sprite and Fanta make you burpy
Portobellos, gorgonzoley, Mexicano Coca-Coley
Kiddie Smahlburgs, Arnold Palmers, and wasabi aioli
Macaroni, chicken tenders, onion rings and fries and cheddars
Avocados, water bottles, fresh frappés from their own blenders
Honey garlic mayonnaise and panko haddock fish filets and
Jalapeños, grape tomatoes, salads served up as entrees and
Rum and frozen coff’espressing—show ID to get their blessing
Icy teas and gov’ment cheese and vinaigrette and caesar dressing
Chili, lettuce, baby spinach, ketchup, mustard, ranch and relish
Wahl and pickles, cream-y-sicles—hang in there, we’re nearly finished
Everything for lunch and dinner whether it’s for dining in or
Carry out with sauerkraut and natural casings on their weiners
Double stacks and triple deckers, choc’late milk and cup-a-cakers
Time to eat, now grab a seat and pass the salt and pepper shakers

(I) I can’t wait, (no I) I can’t wait (oh when)
When should we plan on going back for more?

I’m goin’ (yes I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ to the
Goin’ to the (Wahl) berg I’m goin’, really goin’ to the
Goin’ (Wahl) I’m goin’ to the (Wahl) oh yes, I’m goin’ to the
Wahlburger store

I’m goin’ (yes I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ to the
Goin’ to the (Wahl) berg I’m goin’, really goin’ to the
Goin’ (Wahl) I’m goin’ to the (Wahl) oh yes, I’m goin’ to the
Wahlburger store

I’m goin’ (yes I’m) goin’, I’m a-goin’ to the
Goin’ to the (Wahl) berg I’m goin’, really goin’ to the
Goin’ (Wahl) I’m goin’ to the (Wahl) oh yes, I’m goin’ to the
Wahlburger store