Fox with Guns Written By Adam Leisemann Apologies to: Dana Lyons, because we parodied his song, “Cows With Guns” The Audience, because they have to read this. Note: The real reason that the British Parliament has considered outlawing fox hunting, story-song-style. (Start song) Fuzzy and clever, pretty but stunted They may be cute, but they were still hunted Great fox-hunt They all burrow, burrow to hide, Hiding beneath all the countryside. That’s no fun. Nobody thought it, nobody knew No one imagined the great fox guru Fox are one He hid in the forest, for he was quite sly Constantly watched “Return of the Tod-I” Fox-I Wan He spoke about justice, ignored by the bulk He felt like an outcast, alone in the skulk Fox Doldrums He yipped we must fight, or be skinned like stoats, Fox gathered ‘round, cause they didn’t like coats. Bad fox jokes! But then he was captured, grabbed by a mutt, Hauled back to the furrier, to be skinned in a hut. Foxes bummed. He was a scrawny kit, he looked rather woozy, No one suspected he was packing an Uzi. Fox with guns! They came with a knife, to scrape off his fur, He bit their…ahem…he made a big stir. Jerks un-hung! Took down his pursuers and fled for the door A ruddy big lot lay dead on the floor Foxes run He got on a stallion, cried out “Tally Ho!” And all of the foxes got into the show We will fight for vulpine freedom And hold our small heads high We will be free from the basset hounds, or die Fox with guns They ripped up the streets like a mad parade They fought a great battle, and all London prayed Vulpine fun Sixty police cars were piled in a heap, Covered in fox-scent, oy what a reek. Noses stunned Japanese foxes show up in their mecha And onlookers cry out “What the fu… uhm... heck-a!” We will fight for vulpine freedom And hold our small heads high We will be free from the basset hounds, or die Fox with guns The Queen up and said “Enough is enough! These uppity foxes, it’s time to get tough.” Big fox hunt Then parliament said, “Well that is that. All of those foxes shall be made into hats.” Fox-furs done The fox were surrounded, they could only pray They yipped their last yips, they lived their last day Fox outgunned The order was given, to turn foxes to toppers Enforced by the might of ten-thousand coppers Yet on the horizon, surrounding the shoppers Came the nose-rending stench of skunks in great choppers We will fight for vulpine freedom And hold our small heads high We will be free from the basset hounds or die Fox with guns