Bears Shouldn't Eat Ice Cream

Archie charged with the speed of...well, a bear as inspirational music played in his head. He'd been riding high ever since he woke up from his recent sugar coma and needed to find The Doc fast. Archie knew he could show Ava he was more than just a city bear. e just had to tell The Doc about his big finish and then he'd get the girl. All Archie had to do was find Dolittle.  Archie wasn't the best at tracking, but he'd heard from some birds that Dolittle was at a log cabin restaurant. After a few minutes of high-intensity running, Arching found the log cabin. He considered going through the front door, but he thought better of it and chose to check the back exit first. As soon as he got there, Archie saw The Doc dialing on a telephone.

Archie tried to get The Doc's with bird calls. He'd talk to birds all the way here and it was a hard habit to break. When that didn't work, Archie whispered "Hey, Johnny!" That got The Doc's attention, because  he hung up the phone immediately and got close to the door.

"What are you doing here?" Dolittle asked. He sounded annoyed by the bear's presence, but Archie knew his new plan would lift The Doc's spirits. 

"Doc, I know what to do. I've got my big finish!" Archie said with confidence and jubilation. After a moment, The Doc opened the door. 

"Okay...come in here quick!" Dolittle said, wanting to get Archie out of sight as quickly as possible. 

"Alright." Archie said. However he soon got confused as he was led into a cramped restroom. "Hey, I don't think I'm allowed in here." Archie admitted, but it was clear that Dolittle wasn't listing to him and was more focused on getting the restroom door closed and locked immediately. Archie didn't mind because he just had to tell Doc his big news. 

"Okay, Listen. I gotta tell you, this thing is over." Dolittle said now that he was facing Archie and could give the bear his undivided attention. "Sorry I dragged you into all of this. I'm gonna have to give you an audition in Vegas or something ya know. Because, these guys offered me a deal and it's the best I can do." 

"No, No, No. The best you can do is not give up on me, Doc." Archie pleaded. C'mon you told me; 'Listen to your inner bear', remember?" The bear's impression of Dolittle wasn't great but he hoped it'd be good enough for The Doc to give him another chance. 

"I don't know, Archie." Dolittle said, still sounding skeptical about Archie's plan.

"Look, I know how I can win Ava!" Archie said desperately. He really needed The Doc's help on this. 

"Okay..." Dolittle said after a big deep breath. He could never abandon and animal that needed help. "I know I'm nuts or something,  but I'm gonna give it another shot. I'll give you one more chance."

"Yes! Yes!" Archie said with a mixture of relief and completely happiness as The Doc went to open the door. His luck was finally turning around...and then he felt it.  low rumble in his gut that he hadn't experienced in a long time. "Uh-oh! Uh-oh!" 

"Uh-oh, what? What's the problem?" Dolittle asked as he turned to the distressed bear. 

"Ice cream is acting up." Archie said.

"What Ice cream?" Dolittle asked, his annoyed voice returning. 

"I got depressed after Sonny and Ava and I went on a bender." Archie admitted. Last night's events replayed in his mind as he recounted them. "And by the second gallon I realized I'm in love with Ava, and this Ice cream called Cherry Garcia." Archie finished his sentence with a sudden belch. The ice cream was already having an affect on his tummy. 

"Hey, don't you dare throw up on me!" Dolittle  demanded. However, another surge of pressure from Archie's lower tummy told the bear which direction the ice cream was headed.

"ooohhh, That's not where it's gonn come out." Archie said before moaning in pain again. The pressure was building fast. 

"Wait, wait wait! Hold on for one second!" Dolittle said in a panic. He flashed back to his days as a human doctor and would handle emergencies. "If you're gonna do that sit down on the toilet!" 

"I can't hold it!" Archie said as he did what he was told. He quickly noticed that toilets felt more wooden than he expected. 

"Hey, wait a sec. No, don't sit..." Dolittle said, having trouble forming words because of the wrong way the bear was sitting on the toilet. "You gotta lift The lid up first."

Archie followed The Doc's instruction and lifted the lid before sitting on the toilet again, but then he noticed another problem. "Oh, this is not gonna be big enough!" Archie said as he heard the toilet creaking beneath his weight. "Oh, boy!" 

"You'll be fine. You'll be fine." Dolittle said, happy that he at least got the bear on the toilet properly. "Just sit there. I'm gonna keep gaurd outside while you just take care of what you've got to take care of." 

Now it was Archie's turn to panic since he didn't want The Doc to leave him hanging. He's never used a toilet before and from the sound of his tummy's constant gurgles, Archie's bear butt was about to cause major property damage. He was in so much pain pain he imagined this is what lady bears went through when they gave birth. So Archie screamed. "Oh my god!" as the Doc turned back to face him.

"I gotta stay here with you." Dolittle told Archie, his tone changing to one of despair. as he looked around he saw his salvation in the form of a window. "Let me get the window open or something. please, don't do nothing until I get the window open." 

Archie offered a faint, "Okay...This is crazy." after hearing The Doc's plea to hold everything in while he got the window open, Archie was determined to hold it for as long as possible. However, Archie then felt a shift in his tummy that told him he could hold it no longer.  He tried to warn The Doc, but all the came out was "Uh-oh!"

Archie heard the Doc say something about the window only opening a little bit, but it was too late. As soon as the words left The Doc's mouth, Archie began farting uncontrollably. After that first burst of hot, rancid air Archie said. "There she goes.", as if the fart itself wasn't proof he couldn't hold it anymore. However,  That first fart also signaled the end of Archie's pain. once it escaped, He felt so much relief, that he was cheering on his other farts while The Doc kept complaining. Each gas bubble felt so good to finally release and if didn't even smell that bad...at least not to Archie. As much as The Doc was complaining, Archie knew things would be far worse if he'd dropped the deuce he was expecting. In fact, Archie was more surprised than anyone that he didn't drop anything solid into the toilet after his last fart squeaked out. He figured that old attage was true "Bears DO poop in the woods."