Agreements are made when moneys are paid

in exchange for the work of my pen.

Commissions l gained, grotesque and mundane

portraying the longings of Men.

Although l have had affairs good and bad,

yet the strangest accruing to me

was Renee de la Frere, for whom l would bear

my terrible dark pregnancy. 



Of Dame de la Frere; there's little to share,

As any commissioner knows - 

Our clients assume a fake nom de plume,

Renee was the one that she chose. 

She showed not her face, but fain would amaze

my muse through command of her quill,

inspiring wit; to fave and critique...

A fellow colleague in the field



To whom l would tell anxieties fel;

Enough to confound or enrage

Creators as we: the bleak scrutiny

attained when l crumple a page

unaltered and white, revealing my plight--

O how she would giggle to see

the curses I'd say to hasten away

this drought which alighted on me.



On one such a day I courted Renee,

made reckless by clients and need

``Ideas will not run, till writer-block's done,''

Quoth I, ``What l would to be rid

of villain accursed; this block is the worst - ''

La Frere then replied thus to me

``Should writer's block leave, what then wilt thou give?''

``The firstborn related to thee?''



Now let it be said that l was no maid,

no maiden or lass or betrothed - 

A bachelor then; and clearly a man,

such was the response that l wove:

One safe enough then; for l did not plan

to wed or be burdened with child

or infant or sprat - ``what say you to that?''

Thus would our troubles beguile.

  

``The bargain is struck. Mortal Man, you're in luck - 

Such favour would l show to thee

as one who should dare; their suit thus to bear

before my relations and me.

Although it's an age, since men would engage

our audience on Mount Helicon

where Hesiod once did. As then our seed

shall root and be pregnant hereon.''



She seemed so sincere, I couldn't say, ``Here,

you sure you're not pulling my leg?''

Naught else would she say in Discord that day,

save `now our bargain is made'. 

Those words which l read conspired and bred

disquiet in one such as me

that night on the LAN, where I conceived then

Calliope's dark progeny.



Pregnancy fair, (as I'm sure you're aware,)

is perceived as a boon and a curse.

Those fortnights which passed in fever aghast

ranked surely alongside the worst.

I battled the chills, the cramps and the spills,

infused in creativity

as line after line exited a mind

in such undeterred urgency



I labored and strove, delivered and drove

nine months, with a week give or take,

encountering squirts, occasional spurts

of one I endeavored to slake. 

A bargain was made, a debt to be paid

which hung like a burden on me

O how l would nurse those letters accursed,

their yet unresolved legacy



The letters piled high, the weeds to the sky,

well-wishers I sent far away. 

Entreated to fare to hence god-knows-where,

repeated, ``Not now, not today,''

For fires burn hot, and muse must be caught

afore She supposes to go...

Those nine months of hell I loved; loathed as well,

as mothers perchance yet may know



Thus came to The-End, and stoppered my pen

with rather a sigh of relief:

The manuscript done, the madness has run

its course was the thought l conceived. 

No more need l slave for tribute I crave,

saw I that the story was Good

Alas when l found, disinterest around

when audience scarce understood



As you would expect, I then recollect

the bargain l now call accursed:

To sacrifice there my child to La Frere,

not reading the smaller print first.

That work which I made, was not of my stead,

commissioned by callous Renee

who's empowered to act, and rightly collect

rewards once allotted to me



So writers beware, and artists have care

lest careless transactions are made

I curse yet the day, I first met Renee

surrendering thus to her stead.

Where words are my trade, commissions my bed,

the strangest I ever did see

was that I would bear to Ms De la Frere:

That firstborn she swindled from me