Where’s That Mod?
Adapted from “And Then There’s Maude”
(Marilyn Bergman/Alan Bergman/Dave Grusin)


Chattin’ with Iva and her sugar glider
The forum’s topic is comic books
Whispers to me, somethin’ mortified her
I click the tab and I take a look

Seems a troll has gotten in our channel
Ain’t the first time he cropped up (oh no)
If there were someone with an at on their handle
Then this mess would be all mopped up

(Now where’s that mod?)
Now where’s that mod?
(Now where’s that mod?)
Where’s that mod?
(Now where’s that mod?)
Where’s that mod?
(Now where is...)

That defenestratin’, drama-hatin’, absence is so aggravatin’
Where’s that mod?

Comin’ across as a detestable fella
He yanks us out of our comfort zone
He’s talkin’ politics and bellies of yella
And ev’rybody here hates his tone

When he started rantin’ ’bout religion
Half the channel up and fled (oh no)
Instead of feedin’ him, hard as it is
I keep my cool and just shake my head

(And where’s that mod?)
And where’s that mod?
(And where’s that mod?)
Man, where’s that mod?
(And where’s that mod?)
Sheesh, where the heck’s the mod?
(And where is...)

That schlemiel-deplorin’, flame-abhorrin’, and civility-restorin’
I-R-C mod

[Instrumental]

Now the jerk has brought in bots and baiters
Don’t ya wish that they’d grow up? (oh yeah)
And now the chatroom is fallin’ apart—
Well, would ya look at who just showed up?

(Hey, there’s that mod)
Hey, there’s that mod
(Hey, there’s that mod)
Finally, the cavalry’s arrived
(Hey, there’s that mod)
’Bout time you got here, mod
(Hey, there is...)

That defenestratin’, drama-hatin’, channel needs some liberatin’

(Guess what, mod?)
Hey, guess what, mod?
(Go get ’em, mod)
Go sic ’em, mod—tear ’em a new one
(That’s our mod)
Yeah, that’s our mod
(Let’s hear it...)

For that ol’ scammer whammer, spammer slammer, skip the glamour, calm the clamor
Wield the hammer on the damners of the grammar, such a bad ol’ mammer-jammer

Right on, Mod!