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Father And Son Episode 40: Heartbreak In Hindsight

The sun was beginning to set. In a small park, Omar and Darius sat on a bench, having just left Omar's house.

"Uh.....Omar..." Darius was nervous. He hadn't seen Omar so broken in a long while. "Omar....are you okay?"

"That bastard...." Omar grumbled out from clenched teeth. "How could he....How could he do something like that....To you of all people...." Omar was shaking. "I'm sorry Darius...This was a horrible idea...."

"Omar, it's okay. It was a great idea. We had to tell our parents sooner or later..." Darius reached out for Omar's shoulder, but Omar pulled away.

"No!" Omar shook. "It was always like this....he was always like that...." Omar began to cry again. "I came back because....because I hoped....things would be different...." Omar finally turned to face Darius, tears running down his face, unable to raise his head. "But they've only gotten worse! He insulted you! He tried to hurt you! That's....exactly what he would do....." Omar couldn't help but sob. "I just......I'm sorry......I put you through that Darius.....The last thing I wanted to do was expose you to....to that...."

".......All this time..." Darius spoke softly. "All this time....that's what you've been going through?"

"....Yes....He's always been like that..." Omar slowly regained his composure. "And mom only drove him to drink....and hate.....and be a horrible bastard...." Omar clenched his fists. "And they wanted me to be that too.....But I don't want to be like that...." Omar slammed his fist into the bench. "I don't want to live such a hate filled life! I don't want to rely on alcohol to get through the day! I just want to....." Omar felt a wave of hopelessness wash over him, making him sag down on the bench. "I just want to....be me...You know, right?" Omar turned to Darius. "You're always yourself....So proud, so thoughtful. Really smart....Really cute....Helping to pick up my messes....I want to be like you so much....I want to keep you safe....So that I can enjoy you....You're everything to me, man....And he just.....he just wanted to hurt you, to kill you...he thinks of you as a lesser person all because....you love me...." Omar turned away from Darius. "Maybe....I'm not the right man for you to love....Maybe....if you loved somebody else....It would be worth it.....And you could really shine....I don't want to drag you down with my family....I want you to be your beautiful self Darius...The man I admire....and look up to...." Omar couldn't bring himself to look at Darius. "I don't know......I'm so confused...."

"......" Darius thought of something to say. A million things rushed through his mind, but none of it seemed appropriate. He didn't know what to do....So he reached out to the bear. "Omar...." Darius wrapped his arms around the bear from the back, pulling him into a tight hug. ".....If..........If you weren't beautiful............If you weren't worth loving.........I wouldn't be here....." Darius pressed onto Omar's back. "if you weren't the most wonderful man in the world...the most incredible guy I've ever known.....I wouldn't be so hopelessly in love with you...." Darius held Omar tighter. "You're worth everything to me, dammit. I don't care what anyone has to say, you're worth every bit of pain...." Darius moved his hands up around Omar's shoulders. "You give my life purpose and direction Omar....You're strong....You're clever....So handsome...So strong willed....And I just......" Darius rested his head on Omar's shoulders. "I don't know what I'm saying....I just..." Darius felt Omar's hand lay on his.

"..............Thank you Darius....." Omar smiled softly. "I........I love you so much.......I don't need anyone except you...."

"Hey.....Omar...." Darius smiled as well.

"Hmm? What?" Omar turned to face Darius and without warning, Darius plunged into Omar's mouth with a deep kiss. "Mmmph...." Omar broke the kiss after a few moments, blushing brightly. "What was that for, man?"

"Thank you.....For protecting me.....And keeping me safe...." Darius nuzzled Omar's face. "You saved me back there......"

"I guess I did...." Omar blushed a bit. "I promised you I'd keep you safe...." Omar patted Darius' hands. "I guess that's something I'm good for..."

"You're good at so many things, you know..." Darius kissed Omar on the cheek. "The last thing you are is weak....the last thing you are is a reflection of.....him..." Darius smiled. "So be proud, okay? Be my big, buff, proud alpha male...."

"Hehe....You know Darius, I wasn't being that serious with the whole alpha male thing..." Omar chuckled, smiling a goofy smile.

"Well I took it seriously. So deal with it." Darius smiled back at him.

"You know, proposing to you was the best decision I made in my life....I'm going to love being your husband...."

"Well I don't know about me...." Darius smirked at Omar. "I don't think I could love you any more than I do right now..."

"Haha, alright Darius, come off it." Omar chuckled. "All this sweetness is giving me diabetes."

"Hahaha, you know you love it, you big grump."

"Hmph......it's true..." Omar blushed a bit. "But I love this more." Omar dragged Darius forwards and kissed him deeply on the lips.

"Mmph, Omar..." Darius couldn't help but laugh as he broke the kiss. "I swear sometimes you're the sappiest person I know."

"Haha, I guess that's true..." Omar smirked and ran his hand along Darius' cheek. "But you're the only man who's ever going to know..."

Night had fallen by the time Darius and Omar returned to Darius' place. The two of them entered the house silently.

"Oh, there you two are. Took you long enough." Detriam walked up to the two cheerfully. "So, how'd it go?"

"Uh...Dad..." Darius gave his father a serious look, darting his eyes at a tired looking Omar.

"Yeeugh...That bad, huh?" Detriam's voice lowered and his excitable energy calmed down.

"Darius...Omar....Did something happen?" Delilah joined the three at the door.

"Let's just say that..." Omar grumbled a bit. "I know where my family is now..."

*   *   *

"And we just kinda...sat there on the bench for a couple hours..." Darius finished explaining their encounter. 

"That guy's got a lot of nerve..." Detriam was fuming. "I knew he was stuck in the stone ages, but I didn't know he was such a bastard..." Detriam cracked his knuckles. "I 'oughta waltz my ass over there and give that man a lesson he WON'T forget!"

"Detriam, you know you going over there and beating that man up isn't going to fix anything." Delilah put a hand on Detriam's shoulder.

"Hmph...Wanna bet?" Detriam growled a deep growl, like a rabid beast. "Even if he doesn't get the message, I STILL wanna beat on him after that little stunt."

"Dad, please..." Darius shook his head at his father. "Mom's right, it won't change anything. What's done is done....Besides, Omar already taught him a lesson himself...."

"Yeah..." Omar stared down at his hand. He could still feel the force of the punch resonating in his knuckles. "In the end....I was able to tell him who I was...and he showed me exactly what kind of man he is..."

"Grrrr..........Fine..." Detriam still looked irritated, but gave in to his family's requests. "I guess you're right...." Detriam walked over to Omar and put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey kid....Don't feel too bad about it." Detriam knelt down to look Omar in the eye with a look of serenity. "I've been in the army...I've seen things....Some men go in to clean up their act...some were dragged in....Some can be saved...but others..." Detriam grumbled. "Some of them leave even worse bastards than when they showed up....You're better off without your old man if he's going to treat you like that...." Detriam ruffled Omar's hair. "And hey, my offer's still on the table. I'd be proud to call a man like you my son..."

Omar smiled a bit. "Funny....You sound just like Darius talking like that..." Omar looked back down at his hand. "You all are right....I need to just leave him in the past...." Omar clenched a fist. "And focus on my new family..." Omar turned to Darius. "My family with you..." Omar looked up at Detriam and Delilah. "And you two too."

"We'll be happy to have you Omar." Delilah hugged Omar.

"You're a good soldier and a fine example of a man." Detriam joined in on the hug.

"And you're the only man who can ever be good enough to be my husband." Darius hugged Omar tightly. "We're in this together....All of us..."

"Yeah..." Omar thought to himself. "All of us...." Omar stared out the window, a smile on his face. "And even more...."

*   *   *

Later that night in a dark bar, a group of middle-aged men were sitting, drinking beers and chatting when the door swung open.

"Well look who showed up for once." One of the barflies, a black bear, joked around as the figure in the door came in out of the dark night.

"Decided to go out for dinner, Omar?" Another one of the guys, a wolf joined in.

"Very funny...." Mr. Hollander shuffled in, his nose taped up and swollen. He sat at the bar and set down a couple dollars. "Whiskey. Keep it coming..."

"Whoa, what happened to your nose man?" The bear asked.

"My boy came around for a visit." Mr. Hollander grumbled.

"Oh really? Junior was in town?" The bear smiled. "That kid is always on the move, what did he come back here for?"

"Well, he punched me in the nose and told me to go fuck myself, that's what!" The bear grumbled as the bloodhound bartender set down a glass of whiskey before him.

"Whoa shit, what did you do?" The wolf asked. "It can't have been good."

"He showed up on my door to tell me that not only did he divorce that wife of his, but he was getting GAY married to some pansy!"

"So the kid's gay....can't say I didn't see it coming..." Another one of the patrons, a crocodile, joked. "Who's the lucky guy?"

"It's that fuckin' Smith kid!" Mr. Hollander growled in anger. "He's the one who ruined my boy!"

"Oh, that kid? He's always hanging around with Omar, even when they were kids...Nice to see they got together..." The wolf noted.

"Don't you guys find it disgusting!? My MAN is nothing but a weak little faggot!" Mr. Hollander growled.

"Hey man, calm down! So he's gay, that's nothing to be too upset about." The bear put a hand on Mr. Hollander's shoulder, trying to calm him down.

"What are you talking about!? When I was his age, any queer stupid enough to come out would be hung from a tree if they were lucky! That's the LAST thing I want for my son!"

"Omar, that was YEARS ago. Things changed." The wolf walked over to Omar. "Being gay isn't the death mark it was before. People are able to live happy lives as gay people."

"Yeah, but....My son...Why would he tell me such a thing? After getting married?" Mr. Hollander grumbled, somewhat calmer.

"He probably got married because he was afraid. I knew a guy who did that, worst mistake of his life." The crocodile spoke up. "Gay guys feel afraid of being themselves sometimes. Especially around old farts like us who used to give them a hard time..."

"Yeah...If he was coming to you with something like that, he must have been serious..." The bear nodded.

"He was afraid...." Mr. Hollander thought it over, the alcohol from earlier suddenly burning a hole in his stomach.

"Yeah. It's a really tough thing to fess up to." The bartender joined in the conversation. "I remember my little grandbaby said she was in love with a girl and she thought we were gonna beat her up or something." He smiled warmly. "We just poked a little fun at her and let her know that she was all good. That's all those kids need, a little support..."

"He came to me for support, huh?" Mr. Hollander grumbled, barely audible.

"So anyway, how did you get that busted nose?" The bear asked, changing the subject. "I bet you and Omar got into a tussle or something, right?" The bear nudged Mr. Hollander on the shoulder. "Nothing too serious, right?"

"I.......Pulled a broken bottle on him and that other kid..." Mr. Hollander said quietly. "Tried to mess them two up....And Omar knocked me on my ass to protect that kid." Saying it out loud made Mr. Hollander realize just what he had done.

"Jesus man, why the hell did you do that!?" The bartender shouted. "That's your boy, man!"

"I......Didn't want him to be gay....I was happy he had a wife. I wanted grandkids.....I don't want him to be gay."

"Well it's not what YOU want." The bear grumbled. "That's fucked up man, treating those kids like that..."

"Yeah..." The wolf rolled his eyes. "I know it's weird, but you just don't do shit like that anymore..."

"Well....I wasn't in my right mind.....I was..." Mr. Hollander looked down at the glass of whiskey before him. "I was....." He thought back to his son's words. "I was...drunk...."

"Of course. As if that's anything new..." The bartender rolled his eyes. "If you aren't drunk, then that wife of yours was funneling booze down your throat to get you drunk."

"Yeah, that lady could raise the hairs on your neck." The crocodile grumbled. "It's a wonder that kid of yours didn't end up traumatized..."

".............yeah...." Mr. Hollander looked down at his glass. He could see his reflection on the surface of the alcohol. "Maybe.....Maybe my kid was on to something...." His vision went blurry. "And if I don't stop drinking....I'll...." He pushed the glass away and picked up his money.

"Hey Omar, you haven't touched your drink." The bartender looked surprised as Omar got up from his seat.

"I can't drink right now...." Mr. Hollander stepped away from the bar. "I need.....I just need to sober up for a while...." He walked to the door. "I......I just......Bye...." Omar stepped out of the bar into the dark night...

"W-well......Dad..." Omar's words echoed in his head as he walked. "There's....something I've been meaning to tell you....It's...why we came over here..."

"You just wanted to tell me..." Mr. Hollander walked faster.

"...Darius has been there for me every day...Undoing the damage you and mom did to me. Letting me think clearly." 

"I.....I didn't mean to..." Omar could feel his heart getting tight.

"Mom is DEAD! Mom is DEAD because of her hatred! And YOU will be too if you don't...." 

Mr. Hollander ran into his house and slammed the door. He was breathing heavily and sweating profusely. He walked into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see an empty bottle of whiskey.

"I've tried to forgive you, excuse your issues, tell myself that you'd get better....But you don't want to get better."

Mr. Hollander grabbed the bottle, looking blankly at it.

"You can stay here in this hole and drink yourself to death. But just don't think that I'll be here to watch." 

He could feel tears in his eyes.

"If this is how things are going to be..." Omar's words hit him.

"GRRR! DAMMIT!" He threw the bottle to the floor in frustration. He slammed his fist onto the counter and couldn't stop himself from crying. "Why did I....What did I.....I'm....I'm sorry...." The old bear fell to the floor, holding himself. "I'm sorry Omar....I'm sorry...I didn't mean to....I didn't......." He was shaking with fear and sadness. All alone in his house, the numb feeling that alcohol brought him not able to keep him safe anymore. "Alphonse..................I'm....I'm sorry.....I'm proud....I've always been proud...even if I didn't show it...." He spoke to himself. "You.....don't have to have kids......You don't have to be with a woman...." He sobbed. "I'd....Love to give you away, boy....You're...the only family....I have left.....I'm sorry...If there's anything I can do to make it up to you....." Omar looked over to the shattered bottle. "...................................Fuck that shit....." He composed himself. "What have YOU ever done for me!?" He loomed over the shattered remains. "All you ever did is make my life harder!" He got angry. "ALL YOU EVER DID WAS MAKE MY SON HATE WHO I AM!!!" Mr. Hollander growled with rage. "I'm Omar Alphonso Hollander the First! I'm not YOU!" He shouted at the whiskey bottle. "I'm a REAL man! Just like my boy!" He ran into the den and returned to the kitchen with unopened bottles of whiskey. "And I 'aint doing this anymore!" He unscrewed the cap. "As long as I'm living, I'm not letting another fuckin' drop pass these lips!" He poured out the bottles into the sink. Watching with pride as the alcohol circled the sink before falling into the drain. "I owe it to Alphonse....He tried to warn me....And I just.....Drove him away..." Mr. Hollander saw a picture on the wall of him and his wife, a thin black bear with a mean look. "Joanne...I always loved you...And I always did everything for you....But I can't live that life anymore...." He watched as the last of the whiskey fell into the drain. "It's a new time.....And I have to get with it...Otherwise...I'll die here...Alone..."

To Be Continued...