Sonic the Addict by Snackattack "Where the chili dogs at, yo?" "Sonic! Sit down." Said Tails, patting the picnic bench where he sat. "What kind of lame BBQ is this? You said there'd be chili dogs." "Sonic," Said Bunnie, "we need to talk. Why don't you sit next to Tails." "You set me up!" Sonic said pointing at Tails. "Sonic!" Said Sally, fighting back tears. "You have a problem!" "The only problem is I don't have any chili dogs in my mouth right now." "You're right," Said Rotor, "Chili dogs are the problem. Your problem. And you need to stop." "What do you mean stop? What do you mean problem?" "Sacre bleu, you eat zee too many of zee chili dogs," Sputtered Antoine, princess Acorn's regent. "Look at your zee fat belly!" Sonic looked down and poked his paunch... "I guess I have put on a pound or two..." "Sonic, you can't even keep up with the kids anymore. How do you expect to run from Dr. Robotnik?" "Who's running from that buckethead? I could take him any time." "You're breaking a sweat just standing there. Rotor says your blood pressure is through the roof." "Sonic if you don't stop this you're on the fast track to a heart attack!" Said Rotor. "Yeah, Sonic!" Said Tails. "What happened to the thin Sonic we knew and loved? The one who didn't selfishly scarf down all the chili dogs at the BBQ." "You're right, you're right," said Sonic, bursting into tears. "I've been a terrible friend. And a terrible freedom fighter. I'm a mess...but what can I do?" "The first step is admitting you have a problem." Said Sally. "And the next one is to accept you are powerless to stop it." Said the bunny. "Wha..?" Said Sonic, wiping his nose with the fur of his wrist and looking up... "You are a chilidogoholic, Sonic," Said Tails, "And you always will be. You can't control your addiction. That's why you must surrender to a higher power." "That's right, zee Sonic," Said Aintoine, bringing out a shiny folded piece of paper with a flourish. "It's all in zis zee pamphlet! 12 steps to freedom." "What do you mean surrender? I'm the hero of Mobeus. I can stop anytime I want!" "Oh Sonic, Sonic. If only it were that simple. But it's not. You have to surrender. Surrender to the higher power and you will be saved." "Surrender Sonic!" Said Tails. "Surrender Sonic!" Said Sally. "Surrender Sonic!" Said Rotor, and everyone started up a chant. "NO! NO! I'm not listening!" Said Sonic, putting his hands to his ears. The voices rose around him and became deafening. Everything started getting dark and he began to sweat profusely. Then he clutched at his chest as he suddenly got light headed and blue stars began popping into his vision. He fell down, down, down until... "Hello, my name is Robbie and I am an addict." "Hello Robbie," came the reply from the assembly of forest creatures seated in a circle of fold out chairs. "I guess I realized I had a problem when the neighbors started coming over and complaining about the teeth marks in their pillows. I tried to keep it under wraps but the urges were too strong. And seeing as my pillows were torn to shreds, I would venture out into the wild every night in search of more pillows to bite. But I've been clean for 2 months now. Haven't bitten a single pillow, praise the Lord. Thanks for listening." "Thanks for sharing," came the reply from the assembled animals. "And now we have a zee new guest," Said Antoine, who had been sitting next to the droopy looking hedgehog this whole time. "Zee Sonic, would you like to share?" All eyes turned to the blue Freedom Fighter cum addict, and he cleared his throat. "Er. Hi. My name is Sonic, as you probably know. And I am...an addict." "Hi, Sonic." Came the reply. "I guess I've always had a 'thing' for chili dogs. The meaty flavor of the dogs, that thick and heavy chili with just a hint of cumin. And the buns, which are really a very under appreciated part of the whole package. I can almost taste that hot and meaty sausage passing through my lips as I take a big bite, and another, and another, and another..." "Sonic!" yelled Antoine, "come on, man. Zee focus!" "Oh...sorry. Er, anyway. I guess at some point it just got out of control. I didn't really notice at first but gradually I gained weight and ...lost speed. I got fatter and fatter until I could barely make it out of my bed without breaking a sweat...let alone make it out of the house. And... I now realize, I wasn't just hurting myself but my friends too. I'd become a chili dog fiend, even snatching them from the hands of hungry animals to feed my own insatiable desire for chow. Then came the heart attack at my own intervention, and I knew - once I'd regained consciousness - that it was time to change or die...And that's why I've come today. I have only one question...who is this 'higher power' everyone keeps talking about? "I can answer that," said a large figure, suddenly standing up. "That higher power is none other than our lord and savior, Robammed." "That's zee right Sonic. You must zee surrender all control to zee robot-...errr robammed if you zee wish to beat thees zee thing!" "Robammed? I've never heard of him ...but..." "Yess....surrender now!" Said the big figure, somehow cloaked in darkness on this beautiful sunny day... "Surrender Sonic!" Came the chant from all assembled... and Sonic again began to feel light headed....then he saw something that made his blood run cold. For a split second, he saw red eyes peering at him from the dark. And a red mustache! Sonic jumped to his feet. "Wait a second...! This is no Addicts Anonymous meeting! This is...." "Come on, Sonic! Surrender now!" Came the dark voice of Sonic's true enemy, Doctor Robotnik. "Not on your life, Robuttnik!!!!" Sonic yelled, but the chanting continued, growing louder and louder. He clutched at his chest as he once again saw stars and descended into blackness.